Hell(o) from Scotland

Greetings from the village of Blackness (real place) near Linlithgow in Scotland. I have been asked to say a few words. I'd much rather take a nap, but a steaming plate of prawns is a powerful bargaining tool. I hope you enjoy my cartoons and if you don't, you're either (a) humourless, (b) brainless, or worse (c) a dog person. Cats are canny and that's why there are more of them with human pets in Britain than dogs.

My human, Suzy, has a lot to be thankful for in our "relationship". All I receive from her is food, shelter, warmth, TV, computer, plush carpets, plump cushions, a soft bed, a cosy lap and a garden with well-turned soil in its flower-beds. In return I allow her to stroke me occasionally! I think you will agree her's is the better end of the deal.

I'm off now, I can smell those juicy prawns. If you're ever passing through you can pay me a visit (and I do mean pay) especially if you're in the meat or fish business. I welcome e-mails from my fans as well - and photos - if you're a couch potato with chunky thighs who will pay the air fare for me to stay with you for a while.